wrigley field is MILF paradise
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
