I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
