I can text with my tongue
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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