mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Everything about him screamed your future.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
