hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
