did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
