If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
