he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
