Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
