I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
