What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
