waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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