You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
