Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize