At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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