I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
