I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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