I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize