my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
