my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize