I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
