I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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