just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
