got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize