Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
