she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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