Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
