Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
