I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
