Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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