When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
