masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
