Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
