Soap is not a condiment
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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