Pants 0. Shit 1.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it glows. i had to have it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
