Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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