Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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