You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
