help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i've created a new STD.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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