All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
