so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
