I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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