I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
