There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
