my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
