I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
