I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
