the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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