I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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