there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
