we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
