So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
