I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
