Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
