Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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