I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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