why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
