Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
worst night to have a conscience
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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