I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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