Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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