I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
