you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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