I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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