Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
