FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
