she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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