I wish I could punch you in the face.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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