do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
