I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
